No Offense but....

We all know when someone starts off their sentences with,"No Offense" it pretty much means be prepared to be crapped on and then asked to step in some of it with your barefeet, but with all good intentions right? I say "dogdoo" to the good intentions , All it means is someone is going to say things about me that Im not going to like and I have to stand there with my goofy smile and say "of course, none taken" while they spew their words of wisdom that I didnt ask for in any way shape or form or circle or quadrahexagon (does that even exist?)

Take for instance if Im wearing the wrong color muumuu with my zebra print sandals with holes in them with my unpainted toenails, I meant to go out in public wearing this, I know it looks riiidiculous but my current wardrobe dresser from the set is off again today, so bear with me. When I go out the door with my hair in a hat again for the 10 billionth time, I did not miss my appt with Sissypants, I just chose to wear a stinkin hat ponytail and all! Oh and the larger you are does not mean the harder your hard candy coating is on your heart when someone tells you are so cute and roly poly" leave that comment to the round black bugs on the sidewalk please!
By the way on another note... No, I dont want to take a hula dance class with all you skinny girls (heehee) I might have to show off my belly ring (even if I had one, Im pretty sure I couldnt find it lost in the blubber where my bellybutton resides).
Wait, lets talk about weight comments, you do not make me motivated, contrary to your brlliant opinion (yes that includes my own loving mom)
it only wants to make me strangle your small scrawney neck (heehee) Im a work in progress and the only comments I need to hear, I do hear...
from myself in the form of denial, spitting and coughing up phlem and pity parties in my mirror everyday and that is all, UNBELIEVABLE AS YOU MAY FIND THIS- your words cannot make me or motivate me, only until I want to find my skinny self (Sung to the tune of "oh,where oh where has my little dog gone")to CHOSE to wear color cooordinated clothing and cute earrings and matching sandals does this make any sense. I love you all but NO Offense.
This blog is not written to anyone in particular( so stop thinking its you :) . I need to love me and I start today when I make up my mind to say- NO OFFENSE is the biggest OFFENSE of all!
In reality after writing this down ( during this short time of producing this blog) I came to the BiPolar conclusion that I hate "no offense" but love you all for loving me enough to give me crap( that would be the doggydoodoo :)
This chick has not given up yet. I have God on my side and I will fight this offense till I come out of it with happy hair and good cholesterol even if you dont make any more SUGGESTIONS.